When I was young, I sang, danced, acted, and played the piano a lot. “Back in the day” we rarely recorded these events. When we did, we recorded sound on a portable cassette player or action on a movie camera with no sound. Some people love to watch themselves perform. Not me. I am always curious but super critical with any imperfection or mistake. I am simultaneously disappointed and relieved upon discovering no one has recorded the event.
My family gathered round on special occasions and just shared their talents. Two of my brothers stood back to back, arms linked, turning around as fast as they possibly could while reciting the counties of New Jersey. We all laughed and applauded. I do not need to watch this performance on my phone in order to remember how terrific and fun it was. I was there and someday, when I only have my long-term memory, I will still be able to recall these events. But today, for better or worse, every event gets recorded, warts and all.
So what does this have to do with you and your kids? Well it is concert week and this is how we do it. I gather my students twice a year. They have prepared a piece to share with their “piano lesson friends.” There are no parents present and no fancy outfits, unless they choose to do that. We rearrange the room to make it seem more formal and then they just play their song. Every person brings the best he has to offer on that day and puts it out there for the gang. We all applaud. After everyone plays, we have a party. We celebrate the effort that has been put forth throughout the last few months, not just that one day.
This idea is foreign to us as parents. We are invested in our child’s progress and performance. So my advice is this. Take a step back. When you are asking your child about the concert, start with questions like: Did you have fun? Were you glad you picked that piece to play? How did it feel to play in front of everyone? Were you nervous or happy or both? Were you satisfied with your performance? Whose song did you like the most? (meaning – the song, not who played the best!) How was the party?
If your child was not satisfied with how he did, assure him, there is always next time. Make sure performing remains fun for your child. That is why people stay involved in music. Sometimes it really doesn’t matter if you are a superstar, it just matters that the experience felt worth the effort. If you learn to love it…
Music Lasts a Lifetime.